My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
