You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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