My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
