I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize