I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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