There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
