Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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