I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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