of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
