my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
