it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
