I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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