my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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