he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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