Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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