Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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