I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
