Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
