I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
