just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
