he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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