I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
