It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
