Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize