Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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