If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
