i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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