Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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