He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
