He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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