Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
