you guys were way drunker than both of me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
