I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
