College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
