Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
