clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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