I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
