I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
