at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
