I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
