This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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