It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
