He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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