is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
