so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
