I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pants are for mortals
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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