"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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