This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
