i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
