if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
