she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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