Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
