im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
