I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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