please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
