go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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