Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Acid is not a monday night drug
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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