I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
