Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
