This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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