I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
