He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
