At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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