i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
