I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize