i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
