So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
