You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
