In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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