Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
