my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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