Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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