We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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