I think I am morally bankrupt
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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