She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
