whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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