he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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