laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
