Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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