Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
