I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize