No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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