I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize