Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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