fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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