Nicole vs. Life
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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