Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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