What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
