I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Text me some of your sweat
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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