90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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