Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
